I am moving in with Justine on Saturday.

I’ve been working at a young networking hardware/software company for the past 5 months. I enjoy what I do but it takes most of my time and I am on call 24/7.

I apologize for not posting in many months but I’ve been busy and I’ve only had the chance to post because I am sick and decided to stay home today.

Everything else is going well, I am going on vacation to the Domican Republic in 2 weeks for my brother’s wedding.

I just bought the Motorcycle Diaries but I have yet to read past the introduction.

I had the most fantastic drive tonight. My recent fascination with motorcycles has made me appreciate the bond between man and machine. It’s my car’s lack of features that makes me both hate and love it. I feel closer to the road in my ’88 Hyundai Excel then any fancy German car.

On the ride home from work today I magically hit all the green lights and rode in gaps in the traffic. I felt in-touch with the road as I never had before. Nothing mattered to me but the ride itself. Turning and shifting was an after-thought yet they were artfully, and flawlessly performed.

I can’t wait until I can ride a motorcycle, and perhaps own one.

My friend, who will be reffered to as “Josie”to protect her identity, had a msn name with something like “I wish I were an Olsen Twin” and had an olsen twin as her avatar. I wanted to find out what it was all about.

Benoit: the olsen twins are hideous
Josie: nothey r not
Josie: they r ggorgeous
Benoit: dear lord
Benoit: your perception of beauty deteriorates every year
Josie: no it does not
Josie: they r gorgeous
Josie: whats not pretty avout them?
Benoit: first paris hilton
Benoit: now this
Benoit: they are ghostly skinny and have a face like a russian maid
Josie: no way
Josie: they r sooopretty
Josie: how canu deny it?
Benoit: I can and I do

Josie sends me a picture of both of the girls looking sickly as usual.

Benoit: come on
Benoit: that’s disgusting
Josie: they r gorgeous
Josie: i wud kill to look like them

Josie sends me another picture of one of the twins.

Benoit: what are you, anorexic?
Benoit: I have to delete them from my computer so no one finds it and thinks I am a weirdo
Josie: whatever
Josie: they r sooo pretty
Josie: they r tiny not anorexic
Josie: they ar eleik 5 feet tall
Josie: of course they r little
Josie: and i love how skinny they are skinny is beautiful
Benoit: one of them confessed to be anorexic and they still look just as skinny, they could both use a good 20 pounds
Josie: no way
Josie: they are 5 ft tall
Josie: if the gain weight it will reallyshow
Josie: i love the way they are
Benoit: fine, then they need to gain however much it they need to gain to not look like halloween decorations
Josie: they r soo pretty
Josie: how can u say that?
Josie: grrr
Josie: soo pretty
Benoit: how can I say that? how can you idolize them for being terrible role models and driving girls to starve themselves to reach an unattainable goal?
Josie: its not unattainable
Josie: i think being fat is unhealthy
Benoit: your definition of fat is skewed
Josie: there shud be someone telling ppl to lose weight
Josie: cause fat is unhealthy
Josie: i think i could stand to lose a few pounds
Josie: so what?
Benoit: what is considered perfectly healthy is considered fat by you
Josie: thats right
Josie: i think most girls r fat
Benoit: so why did you just say that fat is unhealthy?
Josie: i just like skinny its what is sppealing to me
Josie: it IS unhealthy
Benoit: to a point
Benoit: if you’re obese yes
Benoit: but girls who are PERFECTLY HEALTHY would be considered fat in your mind
Benoit: it’s you who has something wrong, not the people you think are not skinny enough
Benoit: If you 5’9” the ideal weight is 150 pounds

Josie is about 5’9” or 5’10”.

Josie: i weight 130
Josie: and i still feel too big
Josie: cause i am
Josie: i cud be 120 and id be happy
Benoit: 110 if you’re 5’0 it’s 115. The olsen twins look like they are 130 combined
Josie: whateverrrrr
Benoit: the conversation I am having with you is the kinda shit you hear people with eating disorders say
Josie: yeah but i eat
Benoit: yes, thankfully
Josie: i just think skinny is beautiful
Josie: sorry
Josie: it looks better
Josie: i dont liek to see chubby asses and butts ands thigs
Josie: sorry but thats not beautiful in my mind
Josie: i hate flub on tummies i like flat stomachs
Josie: i cants help it
Benoit: and some don’t like to see bones
Josie: imnot saying u have to be bony
Josie: theres tons of women that are skinny but not bony and they look great
Benoit: ok, but the olsen twins could gain 10 pounds and they would still be skinny
Josie: yeas
Josie: but they dont have to gain 10 pounds
Josie: they look fien the way they are

I am in love. My hobbies, including posting on menkeys, have taken a back seat to my heart.

Jamal, a young, hip, urban, black male is stuck in an awkward situation: living with rich white people! Comedy ensues as Jamal shows the snobby white people how to get “jiggy” with it and relax.

Coming this holiday season. And every other date of note for years to come.

If Bob Barker had followed a natural life and died 15 years ago, as he should have, he’d be spinning in his grave. The recent fashion trend of having little dogs accessorize trashy pleated skirts has my head spinning as well.

At first I thought this fad wasn’t necessarily bad for animal welfare since more dogs will be adopted and less dogs would be left out on the streets or suffer the fate of euthanasia. You would think that maybe as the trend passes people would toss the dogs aside back into the pound but no one can let go of their dog no matter why they originally got it. A dog is a man’s (or woman’s) best friend.

Unfortunately since fashionable women are often brand whores this means they wouldn’t be happy with a mutt of a dog found at the local humane society for $75 including a collar and a leash. No, they need a pure bred Chihuahua puppy from a pet store or kettle. Buying dogs from a dog producer or retailer never helps animals in the need.

When I went to the super market to pick up condoms and Gatorade I spotted not one, but three teenage girls walking down the street with their little dogs leading front of them. I would have stopped to ask them why they got a dog but I had forgotten I still needed to buy a power bar to go with my other wares.

“What if we ever have a baby in the house?”

“Then surely you can go back to get another,” I replied to my mother, “they still sell it at Wal Mart”

My parents are pack rats. They keep everything from airplane repair manuals to rocking chairs in hopes that one day they will once again be used. Thee years ago the rocking chair in question was demoted from living room duty to the time capsule that is my basement and bedroom.

My mother is expecting that one of my two brothers or I will walk into the house any minute with a newborn baby which we conceived in secret in order to surprise my mother who’s dream is to have another child without all the responsibilities such as sitting in a motionless chair. As often as I remind her that she’ll have as much as nine months notice prior to the arrival of a baby she keeps insisting that we keep the rocking chair on call so that it may fulfill it’s destiny at a moment’s notice.

Until then it resides next to my love seat sofa in my fortress of solitude, thwarting my destiny to get laid in my parent’s basement.

If only I could pace back and forth, conquer the world, and type at the same time.

Thanks Rebekah.

When Raph uncovered an old margarine container full of fresh cherries my heart bounced. I love cherries but I realized I couldn’t eat them in the work cafeteria. I don’t just eat cherries – I make love to them. I bury my face in them and rip out the pit with my lips (sometimes I use my teeth if she – I mean “it” – is extra tough) and spit it out. I emerge from the ordeal with a face full of red cherry juice and a look of satisfaction. If I had done this at work I would of gotten quite a different look from my colleagues. A look of disgust and I-am-never-talking-to-him-again.

My personality is so strange that even the most scientific teen magazine quizzes can’t properly label me.

Although there are too many personality quizzes (Seventeen Issue #493, True Colours psychology quiz) that have failed me to remember them all, the one I took this week is still fresh in my mind.

I took a personality/career quiz at Monster.com to see what kind of career I would enjoy. I was faced with questions like the one below. What follows is my train of thought.

Where is your energy naturally directed? Extravert or Introvert?
Extraverts often: have high energy, talk a lot, think out loud, like to be around people a lot, are easily distracted.
Introverts often: have quiet energy, talk less, think before they act, are comfortable spending time alone, have good concentration

“I have high energy levels, talk a lot, like to be around people, and I am easily distracted!”

The answer was obvious but I thought I better read their definition for the other option just to be safe.

“Wait a minute, I am also quiet sometimes, talk less, think before I act and love spending time alone! What kind of cruel joke is this?”

What kind of cruel joke indeed. I don’t think I am alone in thinking that these quizzes are absolute bull shit. Depending on what mood I am in a certain day I’d answer that quiz completely different.

Go see all the cruel questions, at the Monster Perfect Career quiz.